To tell or not to tell…

16 Oct

One of things I’ve been dealing with deciding what to say to people about where I’m going and what I’m doing at the end of November. So far my husband, a couple of close friends and 3 friends at work know about my plans. My husband has been supportive (well he would be, he’s never liked me being fat, and while he would claim he’s concerned about my health, I know there’s a bit of criticism about my appearance or moralising about my overeating (and let’s face it there’s lots of social condemnation around eating more food than you use up, from the sin of gluttony to skinny fashion standards). My two closest friends were supportive and uncritical, if a bit surprised. The first two colleagues at work were also surprised and supportive, but the third was shocked and horrified. She didn’t say much in front of me, other than asking the first to colleagues “You knew about this and you didn’t try to talk her out of it”. She’s made it clear, and it got back to me, that she thinks its sad that someone with such an “attractive personality” feels the need to undergo surgery, for what she clearly believes are cosmetic reasons.

Now – I’m not kidding myself, I know appearance comes into it. I have long felt the condemnation of being an unacceptable size, but health also comes into it. We fatties are constantly being reminded of how unhealthy we are and how our health is at risk and how gluttony will be the death of us. And it’s not comfortable being this size. My feet hurt. I would like to be fit, but its hard work hulking 240+lb around, so I do feel a certain justification in seeing this as a medical procedure for my health.

The most difficult part is knowing what to do about telling my octogenarian parents and my teenage kids. I’ve decided, at my husbands request, not to tell the kids before hand, as he’ll be at home with them and doesn’t want to deal with any stress they have over it. I’ll lie and say I’m going to visit a friend in Italy for a week, then tell them when I get back. I don’t like being dishonest, and wouldn’t like my kids lying to me, but I’ll have to justify it as “protecting them” from unwelcome knowledge.

The elderly parents I know would be worried and possibly angry if they knew, but it’s going to have to come out after the surgery. I’ll just be moving from post-op liquid to mush diet at Christmas time, and that usually means big family dinners. I’ll need to let them know early December and hope the dust has settled by the time Christmas rolls around and I’m the one eating the puréed Brussels sprout.

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2 Responses to “To tell or not to tell…”

  1. Sharon W October 17, 2013 at 2:28 pm #

    Hi Alison,

    I am the kind of person who told everyone from early on. But then I was getting my (first) op on the NHS and the whole process from referral to op was nearly 2 years ……. and during that time I had to keep going back and forth to the hospital for various tests (basically the NHS obstacle course that they put you through) ….. so it would have been pretty difficult to keep quiet about it for 2 years (LOL!).

    Going the private option does give you more flexibility to choose whether to tell or not tell as the whole process is much quicker.

    However, as for the *few* people who have a negative reaction or think it is “just” for cosmetic reasons and what on earth do you need to be “mucking around” with your insides for — tell them you’re getting a sleeve privately and *paying* yourself before you become immobile and carted off on an NHS stretcher — viz-a-viz the condition I was in when I was eventually referred for surgery:

    ** BMI of 53

    ** Type 2 diabetes

    ** sleep apnoea

    ** chronic rhinitis and asthma

    ** sky high blood pressure (208 over 105) and medicated

    ** osteo-arthritis in knees and hips so bad I could hardly walk

    ** using crutches

    ** having the life expectancy and life quality of a 90 year old arthritic woman at that point

    Tell them you’re paying privately to have a sleeve whilst you are *moderately* obese before you become MEGA morbidly obese with all the mega serious “co-morbidities” listed above !!!!!!!!

    Gggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!

    It’s me from Twitter and the FB group ……… had to get online on a PC to be able to comment on your blog. (I do read all your updates via my mobile phone but commenting via mobile not quite so easy.)

    • aldomodo October 17, 2013 at 4:49 pm #

      Hi Sharon, yes that’s why I’m doing it, because a BMI if 43 is quite high enough. I had lunch with the dissenter today. She’s very nice not condemnatory, but is just appalled at the choice I’ve made, and of course today’s lunch conversation revolved around last nights “when w
      ls surgery goes wrong” programme.

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